If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
