The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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