I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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