i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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