a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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