Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
