Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
