why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
