this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
