I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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