I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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