well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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