i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A+ Viking dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
