i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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