Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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