It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
