It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
