Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
