Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
