Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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