yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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