i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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