How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize