i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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