Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
