I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry about my life...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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