i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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