There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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