I got chris browned last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
