is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
