omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
