You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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