Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
