Too much gin, very little bucket
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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