If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
