the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize