I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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