I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
