Sry I called you an 8
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Me. At least after what I've been through.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
