is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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