On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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