Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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