I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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