You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
