I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
