i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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