I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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