I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
