I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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