Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
