no, he came in my armpit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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