you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
