I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize