He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
