I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
