I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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