Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry about my life...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
