I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
